This is an old one, but hey, its suppose to make you laugh.
Let me retell it.
After my teacher’s training college education, I was posted to the farthest part of the country in the west. As to the conditions of the place, hmmm let me put it this way, I still believe in the better Ghana Agenda.
Gosh! what a place to be as a fresh teacher. On my arrival, I told myself I will never let any of my children become a teacher. As a struggling teacher and still fighting for my name to be put on the single spine, I drew a future career plan for my unborn babies; 4 children, 2 boys, 2 girls, a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer and a politician. No way was any of my child going to work with red pens and chalk. They are suppose to be my single spine salary when I am on pension.
As the saying goes, the best come from the worst, I mean west. I was the best in the worst… I mean west. A fresh young teacher in a very remote place in the country which I believed strongly the planners of the country had totally forgotten about the existence of such a place. From the city to a village, you don’t need to be told. I was the most highly respected and to them the most highly educated person in the village at that particular moment,, at least till another person from the city comes to the village as a teacher.
I read the chief’s letters for him, was the steward for the local church, became the assistant headmaster in the school of only 4 teachers. To some, it was life, to me it was horrible. But fortunately for me the students were not that brilliant as compared to the city kids. I remember telling the students that the 3rd largest mining place in West Africa was Bogoso in the Western Region of Ghana and one of the kids asked “sir, where is the first largest mining place in West Africa?”
“the first is in South Africa“ I answered. Wow, the first largest mining place in West Africa was South Africa???? the kids were not smart. I got away with that.
One of the students lived on the same compound house as I did and after his homework he would come to me to help him read. Any time he asked permission to go to bed, I would responded ok Ato, rest in peace. It was recently I got to know that rest in peace was used for the dead.
I also remember the late Bernard Amoako, (he is not dead yet). He always came to school late and entered class when I was very busy teaching.
“Sir, goodmorning” Bernard would greet.
“O here comes the late Bernard Amoako, he is always late, come on, go and lie on the sun” I would scream at him.
This and that and months turned into years, I was the best in the village. I was used to the place now. My worries were actually a blessing. The kids would bring me farm products from their parents’ farm. I never lacked in food products and I could not complain much about my salary. I was basically not buying anything. Parents wanted me to marry their grown up daughters and sometimes they would send them to come to my house and do some chores for me.
My ability to love was never tested till a national service personnel came to the village to do her national service. With my village ‘guy guy’, I was mellowed anytime I saw her. Since I was ‘the most educated’ person in the village, she came closer to me to help her with her work. And with the little that I had, I made her believed I was the richest man in the village.
It was one sunny Monday, I had finished with a topic and was moving on to the next but my stomach would not allow me. I needed food. My salary had not come for months, a problem which GES promised to solve in a gife but that was a fantasy to them. I had only 2 cedis on me and that money was all that I had till my salary came. I called the only boy I always send, Kofi Asare.
“Kofi come over here!” it was more of a MK command than a calling for a favor. Kofi Asare moved to my table. “Kofi, get me Konkonte 2 cedis” I gave Kofi the last two cedis I had.
“But sir no meat?” Kofi asked not surprised though.
“what do you mean by no meat, is it your first time you are buying me food without a meat? My friend go and get me the food and tell the woman I want the ‘under ground’ of the soup, nkwan na ase”.
I continued teaching the kids when I heard footsteps at the door of the classroom. It was the national service personnel.
“Hello sir” she said teasing
“Hi” my lesson came to halt. I offered her my chair and soon the coolest conversation of my life began till…
Kofi came back with the food.
“sir, I am back” he said holding the food. To save the embarrassment, I had to think fast.
“You are back, eei ok”
“Sir will you eat now so I could bring you your napkin?” Kofi asked as always he did when he bought me food.
“No Kofi, the food is not my food, I asked you to buy it and eat it when you were complaining of hunger” I said winking at the most stupid boy I had ever met in my life.
“But sir, I was not … ”
“Kofi, will you shut up and get out with the food; you can go and e.. at the staff room” I quickly responded signally him to go and put the food at the staff room. My visitor watched with interest. “Aww you are such a nice teacher, you buy food for your students when they are hungry” she said.
“Yeah, you know the poverty state of our community” I answered shoving Kofi off.
“Sir you mean I should eat your food” Kofi stood confused
“YES!! to the staff room”. I pushed him away.
Kofi’s delay kept me worried, may be he has been sent again by one of the teachers. My visitor asked for permission to leave. I escorted her to the entrance of the school and quickly ran back to see to my stomach needs. When I got back to the classroom, Kofi was happily seated with a big smile on his face like he has just been told that he was the new chief of the village.
“Now Kofi, bring my food” I asked.
“But sir…”
“Kofi, you are becoming unbecoming nowadays, go bring the food and stop staring at me as if you have seen a ghost”
“Sir, you… “ Kofi looked at me surprised.
“Don’t tell me you have eaten the food Kofi, I am begging you” I asked hoping.
Kofi nodded his head. I sat down on my chair, “O my God, Kofi you have killed me today”. The class busted out laughing. I did not know if they were laughing at me or Kofi for eating my food.
“Quiet! Quiet!, we have closed for today. But read you religious and moral education notes, we have a mental tomorrow”. I closed the class and whispered to myself “Kofi, you are dead”.
The next day, I came to school with one of my finest cane. O Kofi, God be your helper.
“Now class, we are going to do mentals today. I hope you read your RME notes very well because I wont spare you if you get any answer wrong. I am going to be calling at random so get ready. Yaw Addo, who was the mother of Jesus?”
Yaw Addo: Mary
“clap for him – (pa pa papapa pa). Adwoa Mensah, who was the father of Jesus?”
Adwoa Mensah: Joseph
“Clap for her – (pa pa papapa pa). Kojo Gyantuah, how many people did Jesus feed?”
Kojo Gyantuah: five thousand (5000) people
“very good, now clap for him – (pa pa papapa pa). Now Kofi Asare NAME THEM!!” I stretched my cane to the fullest length
Kofi Asare: but sir it is not in our notes…
“It is not in your notes, stupid boy, you should have researched, name them Kofi or come here!!
It was such a memorable day for both Kofi and I…
Derrick Ofori Donkor – 3rd August 2012
MY STORY MODE 